It's amazing going from frightened boy at times to now not afraid of anything. No fear of death, pain, or tragedy. I feel in control of my life for the first time. And I think it is because of this new uncertain and volatile world we live in that I thrive in where others struggle. I feel deeply calm.
The best bit is the overwhelming sense of belonging - that this is my world, and a playground to learn. I'd love others to access my peaceful mindset and regain control of their lives and careers, and I think I know how to teach it.
Before, I'd worry about me and others' worries too, causing me to implode with anxiety. Once flying to San Francisco I had my first ever panic attack. I had a strangulating fear of something I can't explain even today. I was choking with claustrophobia as the metal fuselage was closing in on me. I made it to the ground, but the next few days are a blur.
My wife is always telling her friends how much people like me and "nobody dislikes him". But in my head I know of acquaintances who would kill or at least harm me given a chance. Feeling almost like I was amidst some LA gangster feud I came close to fearing for my life some nights - rational or not.
But those feelings are gone and now I face situations head-on. Skeletons are out and I am embracing everything and anything thrown at me.
